Article by Paul Pearson

A curious thing can happen when we discover a sudden change in personal circumstances such as a life threatening experience or a forced sudden and dramatic transformation in life style due to physical or economic circumstances. Some of these people who, be they relatives, friends, neighbours or people we hear about in the mass media, may have been living together, in an ongoing state of irritation with conflict and anger on virtually every issue surrounding their life together, can suddenly make dramatic shifts, quite readily, in their consciousness. What became a relationship consistently of conflict or anger that had suffocated their love and happiness for many years disappears, with their disagreements fading away and becoming insignificant and their love for one another, OR LIFE IT SELF, re-emerges as though it had never left.What happens to cause this change of heart?

Quite simply, we don’t know exactly how this sudden shift occurs or even when this kind of shift will occur. We do know that they exist and that they can and do occur. A sudden shift in awareness can occur in any area of human life that has to do with how we feel. Remember when you were much younger you probably believed in perhaps Fairies or fairy story characters or perhaps a more personalised manifestation such as a monster. At some point you realised what had been very real to you no longer existed as part of your reality. What was it that made you realise that these things were no longer real and that they or it, had only existed in your own mind? Why, at that particular time did this new level of understanding happen? Most of us go through these shifts in life. The imagined characters that seem real when we are young are predictable shifts but do vary greatly when the shift in our consciousness occurs. People have moments of autonomy, if only fleeting. Gaining the ability to achieve greater periods of sustained self-sufficiency is desirable as it enables you to become a whole person and enriched.

Shifts occur when we look at the same set of facts or scenario in a new way producing another insight or understanding.

Our ultimate concern or simply put our goal be it a shift or continuity or not, is what dictates control of our life and as a consequence our happiness. That ultimate concern determines other values, beliefs, associated goals, feelings, and actions.

When we make other people’s approval our ultimate concern, then we make them our dominant force. We give up control of our lives and happiness. Seek your own approval not theirs. Let everyone have primary responsibility for his or her own happiness. Confusing “means” with “ends.” It’s not that having financial or career success cannot contribute to happiness. They obviously can contribute. But if one makes these means to happiness their end goals, then they become so focused upon the means that they may lose sight of the end happiness.

We do not have one ultimate concern, as most of us are far too diverse or disorganised or confused to be dedicated to what our most important value is or may be. We all owe allegiances to several valued concerns that constantly conflict with one another sometimes to our knowledge and at other times are simply not considered.

We have inner scuffles between our desires for success, love, friendship, security, fun, and contentment. Lack of integration among our higher values underlies much of our regular confusion and anxiety.

Some people are afraid that if they make their own happiness a primary goal in life, they will become, too self-indulgent. Happiness is probably the only human state that measures our overall physical and mental well being. It results from harmonising among our inner parts. We cannot deny important parts of ourselves and be fully happy. Happiness and love go hand-in-hand. Loving someone means we value his or her happiness. When we feel love, we feel happy, even if the love is for an object, an activity, or a person.

Responsibility follows control, so it follows that we are have greatest responsibility for our own happiness.

Why should someone else be more responsible for my happiness then I am-or vice-versa?

Have you ever been in a situation where no one will say what they really want and people are trying to make sure they please the other(s)? For example in trying to decide which restaurant to go to, one says,

“Where do you fancy to eating?”

“I don’t care; what do you want to eat?”

This continues until both people become thoroughly frustrated. Is it not better if both people say what they want while considering the other’s wishes?

How do you feel about other people being primarily in charge of your happiness?

How happy would you be if you sacrificed what you wanted so that you can give it up to someone else?

Do you feel more like doing something when you are doing it because you think you “should” or because you think it will make you happy?

Happiness is a moment-by-moment choice that each of us make. We must first choose to be happy and then make a commitment to that choice without changing anything in your life except your relationship with your own thinking. Do not confuse a commitment to happiness with a way to make life better in some way. This may seem strange at first but I am sure you can recall changes in your circumstances that have not lead to an improved level of happiness. Earning additional money, solving a problem, acquiring qualifications does not produce happiness. Happiness exists independently of your circumstances. Happiness is a feeling you can learn to live in.

Everything in your life is a consequence of the way you relate to your thinking. Commitment is an obligation and makes change much easier by removing uncertainty and anxiety and provides the freedom to let go of concerns as it fosters hope. Without commitment success in any venture is difficult. If you are dieting, stopping smoking, studying, starting a project or deciding to be happy, commitment is an important step. There is a great deal in life that is beyond your control. External circumstances touch us all, illness, accidents, other people’s reactions and their choices, all impact upon us. Despite all this you can make a choice regardless of what happens to be happy unconditionally. Attaching happiness to an outcome will simply create the same mental process to each specific outcome. Believing that happiness will come once you are married then leads on for example to being happy once you have children which then creates new circumstances to develop a new desire to obtain happiness having achieved the goal. For example, perhaps when your children pass certain stages in life such as the terrible two’s/ starting nursery/primary/secondary/sixth form/University/have a job/left home/get married is out the way, happiness will evolve and then you will be happy once you have enough money to meet the growing family needs. Believing that by solving our problems or improving our relationships will create contentment but this means that our happiness must be postponed until some future time when the preconditions are met. You may believe that you will one day arrive at a place, happiness but it will not be sustained without the decision to be happy. There is no way to happiness as happiness is the way if you are committed to the decision.

Your commitment to happiness itself should let go of all your preconditions. No matter how difficult it seems learn and practice the mental processes that will lead to happiness. Being happy isn’t always easy. It can be one of the great challenges in life. Mature and take responsibility for your own happiness – right now. Understanding is the common sense of knowing something in the here and now and that our life experience comes from the inside out and not from the outside in.

You cannot teach a man anything. You can only help him discover it within himself. Galileo

Focus on what you have and not on what you may lack. Commitment is the first step to bringing the future to the present.

About the Author

The author claims no credentials or special qualifications, other than a compulsion to write what he cares about. The author’s life has been marked by a generosity of spirit, by the vitality of his friendships, and by his personal struggles.

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